"The How of Happiness"

I’ve been reading The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky after a colleague at Pacific University used it in a first year humanities class. Students loved the writing style, the science-based content, and the practical suggestions.

Lately I’ve been practicing one of Lyubomirsky’s many “happiness-enhancing” activities: Savoring Life’s Joys. It’s basically slowing down to notice and absorb whatever goodness is unfolding in the present moment.

There’s a parenting book called All Joy and No Fun, and though I haven’t read it, I’ve always loved how the title reminds me that joy and fun aren’t the same thing. In fact … at least in my experience … “savoring life’s joys” usually comes tinged with sadness. The older I get, the closer these feelings get to each other, which means that as I watch through the front window at my son shooting baskets on the sidewalk, I am savoring his strength and health and humor and presence even as I grieve the days that are passing so fast, carrying him further into his own life and further away from the life we share.

Yet I would rather let myself feel the tension of both/and rather than miss this moment when the two-year-old from next door toddles over and raises his arms so my son can pick him up. I welcome the joy-sorrow of hearing my son’s voice — still finding its lower octave, still carrying notes of his own little self — knowing there will be a day when he’s in his 40s, watching someone he loves through the living room window.